I came back to my blog ready to join this world again and realised that in my chaos of yet another loss, I didn't even update the blog.
They talk about 'pregnancy brain' - when you've been pregnant as many times as I have you've given away so many pf your own brain cells to children that will never use them it's insane. I have 'un-pregnancy brain.'
Anyway. I had that 2nd scan at 8 weeks, had a hugely stressful day that day, stuck in traffic late to pick up my son from school and couldnt get through for anyone to do it for me, and then I my car overheats to top it off. I was as stressed as I've ever been!
A few days later I felt that familiar feeling that I was no longer pregnant. I went in for another scan (had to force the docs to do it for me) and low and behold no heartbeat - and to make matters worse, it was measuring exactly the date of the last scan.
Did my stress out that day cause it? I will never know, but I wish someone would study that. the last 2 miscarriages have also been right around stressful situations for me, so I wonder about the validity of some kind of internal biochemical reaction - especially with the blood clotting disorder???
Something to think about for all those scientifically minded people out there.
As for now...Im contemplating getting back on that horse (literally, as our sex life as been almost non-existant these past 6 months) and trying again.
I have an appointment in a few weeks with a new RE that is supposed to be very good. I just need to be able to tell myself I did everything I could and I dont think Im ready to let this go just yet - though 40 is looming and I know that brings with it a whole other set of complications...
What's a girl to do?